Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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