Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
