I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Randomize