Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
