she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
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