Swine flu. Run for my life!
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
