I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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