if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Randomize
