thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
