I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Shame - the story of my life.
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