he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
