i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
