Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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