i just google imaged poop.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Randomize
