She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
