i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
