explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
