UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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