I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
