Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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