dude i'm inner monologue high
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
