You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
