Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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