you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
