I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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