I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
