Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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