If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
