What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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