The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize