Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
