My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
