I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
