is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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