my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
