This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize