We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
