Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
