I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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