my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
