Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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