Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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