Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize