I think scott just propositioned me for sex
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
