You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
