garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
