so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
