omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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