Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
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