the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
