Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Randomize