How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
