So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
