so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
