so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I touched a dick in church today
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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