dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
