where am i from again
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
i need some magic done to my vagina
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
