You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
