so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
