tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
