I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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