Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize