omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
