i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
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