watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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