Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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