Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
