Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
