tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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