he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
The air was thick with penises
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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