Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
