I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
