john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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