I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
