I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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