I'm eating all of the evidence.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize