the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
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