new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize