I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
