You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
you made out with another girl for some wings
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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