CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
