i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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