I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
