I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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