It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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