So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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