On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
