So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize