The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
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