you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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