I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
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