I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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