ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Couch. On fire.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
