Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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