Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
