here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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