You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
