my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
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