I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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