you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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