i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
