There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
