): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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