So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
you're hired as official boob wrangler
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize