nut hugger
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
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