My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
