Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
