I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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