Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
