I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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