I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize