I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
